Bag Race
(Hugh Clarke, December 2008)
I wonder how many of you have heard of the strange behaviour of Lemmings. These are small furry animals who migrate together, in one great mass, following each other. Sometimes they reach the sea, and thinking it is a river, try to swim across it. They drown, of course.
Mind you, people sometimes behave pretty strangely too. Airports and aeroplanes are interesting places to observe human behaviour and some behaviour is really quite odd. Take, for example, the great baggage race. This is one of the world's greatest races because it is run hundreds of times every day and people of all ages, sizes, colours and religions take part.
It starts when the plane lands. After the bump of the wheels has been felt and the plane is safely down one hears the distinct clicks of a few seatbelts being released. The seatbelt warning sign has not gone out but some of the keener participants in the race know that a couple of vital seconds can be saved by undoing the seatbelt early. As the plane taxis to a halt there is clicking explosion of seatbelt buckles and everyone stands up. The lucky ones with the aisle seats dive into the aisle and flip up the lid of the overhead locker. BUT, there are immediate problems as those who have no hand luggage are already sprinting down the aisle. The rules of the race are that those moving in the aisle have right of way and most people have to adopt a crunched up position, trapped under the overhead lockers. Nobody sits down. As I am sure you realise, business class has nothing to do with better food or wider seats - being at the front of the plane puts you in pole position - well worth paying for.
Once everyone is shuffling down the central aisle of the plane we are in a situation like the warm up lap in a Formula one race. Speeds are slow and overtaking is not allowed. Tension builds to fever pitch. Once everyone is out of the plane and into the corridors of the airport they all accelerate up to full speed and there are plenty of overtaking opportunities. The rules of the race forbid actual running but you will never see faster walking. Businessmen, grannies, children, all are going at an incredible pace. Up to the person in front, dive to the left, no, that's blocked, dive to the right, you see a gap, a burst of power and you're through. Oh! the glory of the cut and thrust of airport racing. Airport designers have played their part by providing miles of carpeted corridors - a good surface and plenty of distance for a decent length race. To add interest they put in moving walkways. These were put in to save you walking but we are in a race - jump on and walk as fast as you can, enjoy the sensation of speed as the walls rush by on either side.
Then, disaster strikes, just when you were doing well, had overtaken at least fifteen people, and only lost out to a guy in T shirt ,jeans and a pair of Nike airs, you hit Passport control. This is like the Safety Car coming out. The whole field is bunched up but places remain the same. It’s just as unfair as Formula 1, all that effort gaining ground, and its lost! However, in the Airport race there is an interesting twist - there are often two lines at passport control and an instant judgement has to be made as to which is the faster moving. Either you have the agony of watching the other line move faster, and watch hard earned places lost, or you have the satisfaction of moving forward and gaining a few places for free. Once through passport control, it is up to full speed again for the final sprint to the baggage collection area. You rush in, quickly check on the overhead screens to find your carrousel, over to the baggage trolleys, grab one, wrench it backwards, spin it round, back to the carrousel, snatch your luggage off and fling it onto the trolley, lunge forward, you are driving like Lewis Hamilton now, towards customs, slam the brakes on so you don't take out the customs man and through the S bends to the customs, you weave your trolley with consummate skill, and then its through the final door to the arrivals area Yes! Yes! you have won! you slump over your trolley, you are hot, exhausted, you have given your best, you could have not done it any faster, you recover and slowly make your way out of the airport. But it isn’t like that, is it? Since when have you arrived at the baggage collection area and found your suitcase calmly rotating around the carrousel. Never? Hardly ever? It never happens to me. Having gained those vital places you watch with disgust as the overweight business man you took so much pleasure in overtaking earlier, calmly strolls in to the collection area, plucks his suitcase off the carousel and off he goes. The airport is getting emptier and then, at last, your suitcase appears, bumping down onto the carousel. That is, if it hasn’t got lost.
As all of you are experienced air travellers I don't suppose you take part in the baggage race. You wait in your seat and enjoy watching your fellow travellers suffer and sweat. After they have rushed off the plane you calmly collect your belongings and trail the race at the back. You arrive at the baggage collection area, collect your trolley and mosey over to the carousel. When your baggage arrives is a lottery. If anyone has found a method of making sure theirs is the first to come down the chute, please tell me. So, you are waiting. Tension is still high. People are fidgeting, jostling for position to make sure that they are at the place where luggage can first be collected. You spot your suitcase on its way down and push your way through the crowd. Their faces say it all. The unfairness of it all. You who came in last are one of the first to leave!
And yet, nearly all of those people knew they would be held up at the baggage collection area. So why did they contort themselves in the plane and risk heart attacks and get sweaty and smelly to be there first. It’s stupid, it’s illogical, but nearly everyone does it. The answer is partially man's natural competitiveness but mainly because of the herd instinct. It's that sheep-like tendency to do what everyone else is doing without really thinking. It’s the fear of being left out. Remember the lemmings and what happened to them. This tendency to follow the herd doesn’t just lead to making an idiot of yourself, it brings out bad behaviour. On a recent trip to go to a course in London with Mrs Park, she was quite shocked how aggressive people were in trying to push past her – a pregnant women. At worst, the herd instinct can lead to cruelty and thoughtlessness as well. Much prejudice and violence have their routes in the herd instinct. You could call it the "nerd instinct" - following the herd with no thinking. Don’t be a victim of the "nerd instinct". Think for yourself, be wise, make your own decisions.
